How do you start writing? How do you describe the feelings, the fears, the excitement?
Well, I don’t know.
So I’ll just pour it out as is, raw and from the gut. I remind you that the speaker is not a professional writer, and therefore the result is “folk”.
I will try to be real while writing, especially real to myself. I will try to avoid satisfying the readers in a forced way (although I would be happy if you were satisfied, wait a minute, Am I trying to please you now? Fuck it)
I want to have a souvenir from my day to day life, one that I can remember someday (or in two months) and not depend on the grace of my not-so-sharp memory.
I want to remember good people that I meet. People that I will keep in touch with for years and those with whom a few minutes on some mountainside or train ride were enough to get into my heart.
I want to remember moments when it was hard, when I was uncomfortable, and when all I wanted was to close my eyes and open them when I was lying on the couch at home, with the people I love, with a cup of tea in one hand and a cake in the other. I want to remember those moments also because they make me appreciate what I have.
For example, when me, Saar and Gal (the other descendants of the Raifen family) were traveling in Georgia, we encountered a windy night that would have put Hurricane Katrina to shame. After a few moments when the tent seemed like a hero tent, it started making sounds like someone eating flatbread with their mouth open. A minute passed and the tent sheet was over our heads. The feeling of helplessness was not particularly pleasant, but at the same time I am still glad that I had that experience and that I remember it to this day (and I don’t think I will ever forget it). Every now and then, when I get into bed and sink under the duvet, I remember that night and am happy about the bed and the walls that don’t give in to the wind.
Every time I’ve gone on a journey like this, I’ve felt like I’ve come back a little different. Something about the intensity and stepping out of your comfort zone forces you to deal with things you don’t normally encounter. I feel like I learn more about myself during times like these than at any other time.
Being alone. Perhaps one of the issues that preoccupies me the most. I find a lot of advantages in being alone, I love it and feel like I trust myself more and more the more time I spend alone.
Many times this need of mine to be alone comes from a social discomfort that weighs on me and gives me a trigger for escape and solitude. On this journey I want to work on it, to deal with moments when I’m a little socially uncomfortable, to stay, to breathe, not to make assumptions based solely on imagination. I wish I could remember the desire to confront this difficulty even when it comes, and it will come.
Maybe when he arrives I’ll come back to this post and he’ll remind me, who knows? Time will tell.